60 seconds of heartbreak

See there the post title . So clearly this is the worst night ever somehow :'( Wipe the tears away it doesnt matter . I prepared everything , I wanted so much to talk to you but then as usual part of me just didnt have the guts to spill any words at all . So close yet so far that's the word to explain . Couldnt even start any conversation for 2 long hours . Packed my things and I seriously wanted to give you the present I spent weeks and weeks talking bout it to Hajar but you know what you didnt even looked at me for one second . Minus that part , you didnt even wait oh yeah wait who am I , again . I didnt even exist I think for that moment . I shouted your name it didnt came out somehow it stucked because I've never been the best with my mouth try to say smart but the dumb comes out . Know what even hurts - watching your back and you're not looking back . But I did and you didnt so there goes the shit pouring out . Two words I'm sorry . I said that a lot and keep saying it till now but here we are in two different dimensions different situations to handle with different feelings . If this is how it's gonna be , maybe I am wrong . Maybe we should stay this way . Maybe things went wrong . Maybe fate wasnt on our side . Maybe I wasnt that important . At all . I think . So . Yeah cut deeper . I wouldnt mind and you dont care . One thing left is Happy Birthday . I couldnt even say it up front nor call cause that would take a lot of courage and I dont have that now . Hope you'll be reading this if somehow I came across your mind . Godblessyou 

Hello there . Mmmhm it feels awkward . Damn awkward . If you'll excuse me for a second *runninglikeamadgirlaroundtheroom* . Done I think , whatever it is I'm here for one reason , I havent written anything for so long like seriously a really really long time and this blog is somehow full of dusty :p I'll clean it up as soon as possible after SPM inshaAllah . Oh yeah again SPM didnt I tell the part I'm taking this biggy scary superb thingy where you could go nuts by just thinking about it . 

This is it . I , Siti Mariam binti Ibrahim could not believe that I'm just exactly a month away from Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia . At this exact moment , eleven years ago I was still there in my bed hardly waking up for school :'( This is just too sad to continue . I'm gonna finish high school exactly on 28 December 2012 right after account's test . Not quite sure if I should be happy or sad about it at the same time cause school was everything to me , I mean dont get me wrong I spent most of my favourite time with my friends there although it was bittersweet sometimes . All of those memories name it I still remember every part . I wish we would never parted but this is a journey we all have to take , bumpy roads I tell you but it was all worth it every moment and second of it .

Haih why lehhh so hard at times :/ Anyway lets dance for passing trials with not so flying colours *screaming and drum rolling* yabedabeduu Well it wasnt that bad , thaaaaat bad I think so . I managed to get what I wanted but still its a long waaaay to go and my expectations just blergh out of track. Minus the part where I spent 5 to 10 minutes on every paper looking out the window and staring at whiteboard thinking why and where would I be if I didnt end up taking this path I am right now #sigh . I'm glad I truly am but there's a little girl in here just wanting to get out of this mess , I thought I wasnt gonna score for trials but then Allah proved me wrong somehow it turned out quite interesting . 7 mix A's and the other 3 is the subject where I just have to work a lot more since I totally blacked out and running out of time as usual . God help me please I have to finish everything up a lil bit faster since I got so many topics to master with so little time , there's a lot to think with just one brain right dear brainy . Should start now but this ass aint gonna move any further than this bed to the book shelves so if you'll excuse me I shall write again if there's enough time which I dont think I have cause I'll be spending every bits of it sleeping . zzZZZ peace upon you people of Earth . 

Much love , M